Let Go

Tenacious, I don't let go easily. I don't let go of friends my heart gets attached to (Facebook is like a dream come true). I don't let go of places I've lived (I figure I'm "from" them all.) Putting together a blog post (ha) or a scrapbook (just try to pull me out of a project I'm into.) If a contact would miss an appointment with me in the mission field, I'd wait for them on their porch. I'm an emotional bulldog.

Family ties are harder to break. (Doggedness/determinedness/tenaciousness comes from both sides of my family. It helped get the pioneers across the plains.) "Not giving up" is a good thing, right? But one does need to know when to let go. And that isn't my strong suit.

There seems to be a lot of "letting go" involved in forgiveness. I'm finally learning how necessary it is. I put the problem (the person I wronged, or might have wronged, or fear I will wrong, the person I feel wronged by, the wrong either way and its consequences) into the capable hands of the Lord and step back, move on. If I do anything else, I am inferring that God can't handle it, that the atonement isn't infinite. Insufferable presumption.

What seems nearly impossible is forgiving myself. (I can do that? I'm not giving up or being lazy? It's amazing how light I feel when I succeed, and I wonder if I'm allowed to feel so unburdened.) I know very well what mistakes I make every minute (it seems) of every day. It's easy to feel that I'd be letting myself off the hook. Someone has to be riding me all the time, right? Wrong. Father in Heaven doesn't work that way. He is gentle and kind.

What about paying for what I've done wrong? What if everything isn't "all better" with the person I've wronged? Should the Lord's forgiveness be enough for me, when they person I've wronged is not yet inclined to forgive me (or forgive me fully)? I guess so. Once I've apologized and offered to make it right, it's their choice whether or not to accept, and it's time for me to "let go and let God" again.

I can be a better friend to myself. What if I could start each day already forgiving myself for all the mistakes I am bound to make that day, and forgiving others in advance for anything they might do? "Leave to thy God to order and provide." Let go, and let God. There's a lot more involved with that than I'd realized. The only way to get rid of those tension knots in my shoulders, and regain more sanity, is to truly "cast [my] burdens" (not only my list of things-to-do, but also mine and others' mistakes) "on the Lord and trust His constant care."

If I truly let go, I am free to move forward, and I am allowing others the same freedom.