Don't Knock Mistakes

We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes, but I can't live that way, no
Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find
Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten
Natasha Bedingfield

I like that song.

I've always been desperate to not make a mistake, paralyzed by the possibility of doing or saying something wrong. I don't think anyone wants to make mistakes. "Nasty, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner!" No, wait. Those are adventures (The Hobbit.) But I'm learning that mistakes are part of the adventure of life! :D I'm hoping that if I can learn to take mistakes in stride, my children won't grow up with complexes.

"If parents are forgiving, the child learns he can try new things, even risking mistakes. On the other hand, if the parents are quick to condemn mistakes, the child will fear attempting new things. In time, a parent's disapproval of a child becomes the child's own disapproval of himself." - Phil Harrison

Rather than trying to prevent children from making mistakes (helicopter parent) or intimidating them into not making mistakes (authoritarian parent), give them opportunities to make mistakes and learn from the consequences. (paraphrased from Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Jim Fay and Parental Power by Dr. Paul Jenkins.)

A few months ago, I heard a radio program interviewee talk about how kids come to hate being at school because they grow so afraid of making mistakes. In contrast, he told about a teacher in a Japanese classroom who would say cheerfully, with a smile, "______ didn't give the right answer. He didn't understand this topic. Does somebody else understand this that could explain it to ______?" There is no shame, just trying, sharing, and learning. She demonstrates by her attitude that failure is part and parcel of getting an education. The interviewee also mentioned a children's book, Mistakes That Worked by Charlotte Foltz Jones. It includes The Leaning Tower of Pisa.

c/o Kyle Flood from BC, Canada

I thought of some other mistakes that have worked.

Star Wars: Episodes I-III are a lot more polished-looking than Episodes IV-VI. But David and I don't like them as much because of it. We like the rougher, dicier, rogue-including original trilogy. To us, its imperfections are part of what makes it perfect.

When Anne shows up at Green Gables instead of the boy that was sent for, Marilla tries to return her, explaining that there's been "some queer mistake." Later, Matthew called it a "lucky mistake."

"It wasn't luck, it was Providence," said Marilla. "God knew we needed her."

Down syndrome is considered a mistake (abnormal, not how a person is supposed to develop.) However, I don't consider W--and his unique blend of challenges and abilities-- a mistake. I've needed what I've learned (and continue to learn) by having them in my life.

Some say that I should have married long before I was 32. D's divorce signaled the failure of a marriage. Nevertheless, somehow I married the right person, at the right place, at the right time. Our happiness together (that feels so very right) is built on mistakes. Similarly, my cousin wrote recently about how the happiness of an adoptive family is built on the mistakes of a birth family.

David Berkowitz, The Creation Museum in Petersburg, KY

I've often worried about what I thought was a problem: God gave Adam and Eve commandments, and His plan couldn't be fulfilled unless they broke one of those commandments. Perhaps this was not as singular an experience as I'd thought. Aren't we ALL given commandments by God? He knows we are going to make mistakes, just as he knew Adam and Eve would. Knowing us as well as He does, He factors these mistakes into his plans. (Think of Mormon's prompting to include the small plates of Nephi.) Satan's plan was to get us through this life without mistakes. (And without growth.) Opposition is for a purpose. Weaknesses were given for our benefit. We learn from our mistakes, and so are blessed by them. We're learning by experience to choose the good.

My own worst mistakes have brought me to my knees in humility, where I've come closer to Father in Heaven and understood Him better. I've learned, where I wouldn't have otherwise, how to cast my burdens on the Lord day to day and even moment to moment, and have (while pleading for help) been taught by the spirit things I needed desperately.

Perhaps I shouldn't knock mistakes, my own or others'. Thanks to the Savior, a mistake isn't the end of the world, it's a stepping stone. As my first missionary companions tried to teach me,

"All of life is like [a] race,
With ups and downs and all.
And all you have to do to win,
Is rise each time you fall." - Dee Groberg

My husband and I discussed all of this at the end of a trying day less than a month ago. He'd gone through all of the (not so fun) preparations for a colonoscopy. A few minutes before we left for the hospital, he took a tour of our garden and, without thinking, tested the ripeness of our grapes by trying one.

Because of that little grape, they were unable to put him under for the procedure, which proved to painful, requiring him to reschedule. In a few days he'll go through the (did I mention, "not so fun?") preparation process again, and that little grape will probably be expensive (as only the first try may covered by insurance.) As awful, and chagrined, as my dear husband feels, we know that the Lord has the mistake covered. He'll take care of us. We can laugh and move on. (Granted, when Jon broke one of my favorite earrings yesterday, attempting to try it on, I didn't take it well. And I'm still smarting about mistakes I made years ago. At least I know it's possible to take mistakes with equanimity. I hope to get better at it.)

I want to move forward cheerfully, accepting that I (and my children) are going to trip, fall, and get plenty of bruises. I want to remember to sing with everything I have whether I do it technically/musically right not. I want to try to communicate, even while falling all over my feet in the process.

The Light of the World by William Holman Hunt, Manchester Art Gallery

I can live freely knowing that the Savior is always there to give me a hand up, a nudge in the right direction, a light to my path, and healing for the falls, bumps and bruises. Especially those I inflict on others.

I started this post with a song that gives me that let-go-of-fear feeling. I'll end with quote I've always loved, of Ezra Taft Benson's, that does the same.

Life joyfully, life happily, live enthusiastically, knowing that God does not dwell in gloom and melancholy, but in light and love.